The DoLLHouSe

Stalled... Again.

2011-08-05T02:41:00.003+08:00

I turned my life around by quitting my job and working part-time while trying to start up my business. Guess what? After almost 7 months, I'm stuck. It's like I gave myself a chance to face my demons, but I'm a bit too scared to actually do something about it. I need to re-group and find a way to move forward... I wish myself luck.

In Retrospect...

2011-02-12T01:34:00.002+08:00

I had no idea what to write in this blog. I know I should just keep on writing and just let go of everything I am thinking of and everything I am feeling, but my mind was blank. I went back and re-read my older posts and I realized something: I was very frustrated these past few years.

I've been writing about my feelings of confusion, infatuation and more confusion. I felt stuck in a life that wasn't what it was supposed to be and all the happy moments I had were quite shallow. I can't really say i feel absolutely different about my life now, but I've taken a step in the right direction. I quit my job to do what I wanted to do without forgetting about my responsibilities. I am now working 2 part-time, home-based jobs which will (hopefully) take care of my bills and I've partnered up with my best friend to open up the business we've both been dreaming of.

My love life is still non-existent, but at least now I know what I DON'T want in a relationship. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care at all, someone who asks you how your day went, but doesn't really listen. I also don't want to be with someone who does not tell me his plans and expects me to drop mine when he feels like dropping by and makes me feel like it's my fault or that I'm making excuses not to see him. I have a life and it does not revolve around you, Mister! It's also irritating when someone tells me he'll see me when he's in town and then I won't hear from him until after he's left the country again, the worst part is, he says he tried to contact me when all I got was a lousy offline message on Yahoo Messenger and he makes it seem like I was unreachable. If you know my number, call me! Yes, I am talking about just one person. I thought that he deserved another chance, but he will not be able to guilt-trip me into doing things his way anymore. I've made mistakes in the past, and so has he - so we're even. I know now that he's not the one for me - and I'm a hundred and ten percent sure of it. Now that I know what I should avoid, it's time for me to figure out what I DO want in a relationship. That's the hard part.

Yes, after all this time I am still frustrated. There are some things that I still can't figure out, but at least I've taken steps to bring myself closer to happiness. I've made the decision to concentrate on my new career as an entrepreneur. If I meet someone in the near future, then good, but if not then I guess love will just have to wait.

Patience is a virtue I can't afford to have...

2011-02-06T14:41:00.002+08:00

I've been in the process of setting up my online store since January. Now that things are finally moving, I am starting to have reservations. This is the result of waiting too long. Whenever I take my time to do something, I end up thinking too much - and when I think too much, doubts enter my head. I've asked my best friend to help me and we're partnering up, but she can be a bit controlling. It's something I'm used to, but I'm sure we are going to have a few clashes. I just hope that we make the right decisions so that all this effort won't go to waste...

Saying Goodbye

2010-12-16T23:21:00.002+08:00

I gave my resignation papers to my boss the other day and already I am feeling restless. I was never good at goodbyes, even after all the farewells I've gone through. I should actually be an expert by now. But sadly, I can't stand telling my learners that I will not be their trainer when they re-start their training next year. I have not even mentioned anything to those who still have lessons booked until my last day at work (January 14, 2011). It just sucks to have to say goodbye.

As sad as I am to leave, I am really looking forward to starting anew. There are so many things I want to do, so I picked a few and decided to just go for it. I haven't really started anything, but deciding what I want to do and what I want to happen in my life is a start.

I can't wait for 2011 to begin!

Reality Check

2010-08-08T01:23:00.002+08:00

I think I'm turning into someone I never wanted to be.

I used to be spontaneous. I used to be able to drop everything if an opportunity for creative expression came up. Now, I worry about how much I'd lose if I miss a day or two of work. I used to write first then worry about grammar and editing later. Now, it seems like I edit first and lose the idea - which I end up scrapping. I used to be able to go out on a Saturday night alone. I knew where my musician friends performed and I was comfortable watching them alone at the bar or sitting with their girlfriends, boyfriends or spouses. I've lost track of most of them and I don't have the guts to go out alone anymore. Most of my friends are already married so it's not so easy to just call them up and say "Hey, wanna go out tonight?"

I miss my old life, my old self. I know I'm doing things right now, but did I really have to lose who I am just to say that I'm a responsible adult? I know there are people out there who have given up their hopes and dreams for stability. They did what they had to do, and I understand how suffocating it feels. But, you know what? I don't have to be like that. If they're miserable, well, that's their problem, not mine. I just need to find that balance. I've been traveling (a lot - according to some, but I think it's not enough) this past year and this is my only escape from the cage I've put myself in. It has helped me put things in perspective. I hope this next trip I'm going on will bring out the "old, crazy me." We'll see when I get back...

Writer's Block

2010-07-25T20:58:00.000+08:00

A few hours ago, I had the urge to write. An idea popped up and that used to be enough. I thought this was it. I’ve finally gotten over my writer’s block, or should I say I’ve escaped my writer’s black hole, so I turned my laptop on and loaded the word processing application that I rarely used. I stretched my arms a bit, then I placed my hands on the keyboard and hoped that there would be magic.

Nothing… Nothing happened. I stared at the screen for a few minutes and began to type. No, no, no… Maybe if I try a different approach… Ugh… It still isn’t working. The idea is still in my head. I can see it unfolding when I closed my eyes, but I can’t seem to put it to words. If only I can type with my eyes closed. Hmmm… Maybe I can try that… Uh, ok, maybe not…

Soul searching in Saigon

2010-04-30T23:58:00.005+08:00

I've been in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for 5 days now. I've been spending the days shopping and the nights watching DVDs with my family. I have not taken a long vacation in a while, the last one was the trip my family and I took to Davao in 2007.

I've had time to think things through these past few days. Sitting out in the balcony/laundry area of my brother's apartment (he's based here for a year) with Vietnamese coffee, cigarettes and my laptop, I've been assessing my life so far. Have I made the right choices? Have I done anything to reach my goals? Do I have to re-think my priorities? I haven't made any wrong decisions so far, but that doesn't mean I've made the right ones. In fact, I haven't made any solid decision these past few months. I've taken steps to reach my goals, but I don't know if that's what I want anymore. Being the Libra woman that I am, people think I'm quite fickle, but the truth is, I weigh each side so carefully that I seem to take forever to make a decision. What do I really want?

I make a big deal about my age. I'm 29 (though I will be forever 21 in my mind), in an open, long-distance relationship (which is almost like being single, except guys don't even bother asking me out once they've seen my relationship status on Facebook - one guy actually admitted to it) and I have a dead-end job that I like, but not love. Most of my friends are (happily or not) married and I still have the urge to drop everything and start from scratch... again. There are things I want to do and for once, no one is stopping me, which makes me think that it's either because they think it's a good idea, or because they know that the more they try to stop me, the more determined I am to do it. I have a plan, and I intend to see it through. Another issue is that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. For some people, it's a bit too early for me to be worrying about not being able to start a family right away, but others (including me) think that time might be running out. I'm not panicking or anything. I just don't want to wake up one day and find out it's too late.

I will be making some changes in my life when I get back to Manila, or even before that time. I still have a week here in Saigon, then I need to go back to my life and be able to do what has to be done to get things moving again. My world has stopped moving without me noticing and I had to step away from my normal life to realize that I have been trying so hard to protect myself from making the wrong decisions and getting hurt that I forgot to actually live. A lot of these changes are going to hurt, but I need to do it so I can grow and let others grow, too...

Confused...

2010-03-05T13:15:00.004+08:00

I began composing a totally different entry yesterday, but I had to leave for work so I had to put it aside for a while. I finally found the time to go back and continue what I was writing but I seem to have lost what ever it was I wanted to say so I deleted it and started over. The reason for this is that I spent most of the day thinking about what I've accomplished these past few months. I'm actually proud of what I have achieved and I know that if I continue on this road, I will be able to reach my goal for 2010. But here's the catch. I am now questioning these goals. "Is this what I really want?" "Am I setting myself up for disappointment?" "Will I get hurt again?" All these questions have been floating around in my head all day. Normally, I would just dismiss these thoughts and go on and do what I have to do. I don't know why I'm even bothered by this. I guess the biggest question I have is "Is it all worth it?"

Before I started making all these plans for my future, I was unsure about what I wanted. I was hesitant to take it a step further, but my heart told me to go for it and I did. I was eventually convinced that this was right. This was the key to my happiness. I was so sure of it, because even if I haven't gotten what I wanted yet, I was already beginning to be happy again. I seem to have reached a plateau, though. Frustration is setting in. Every time I seem to be making progress, I realize I haven't even moved from where I was, or worse I might even have taken a step back. The unpredictability of it all was very exciting at first, but there comes a time when you just want assurance that you're doing the right thing, assurance that everything you're doing is appreciated, not necessarily reciprocated, but at least noticed. All I'm asking for is a sign that I'm not on a road to nowhere. I'm not the type who gives up easily even if at times it looks as though I have, but after all the disappointments in my life, I want to know as early as now if this is one of them. Is it really worth the effort? Is it really worth the wait? I hope to find out soon.

Sleep

2010-01-25T03:24:00.003+08:00

I woke up at almost 4pm this afternoon... (well, technically - yesterday)

I haven't slept that long in a while. It's kinda refreshing, actually. I don't really care if i sleep during the day or at night, just as long as I have a deep and restful sleep, that's fine with me. For the past 2 years, I've been sleeping well, but I've always felt tired even after sleeping for more than 8 hours. Today was different. Sure, I felt lazy, but I didn't have a headache from sleeping too much. I usually feel weak after sleeping too long but today, no matter how bored I was, I did not feel drowsy at all.

I hope this is the kick-start I've been waiting for. I hope that this is the start of something good. I've been feeling drained lately. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I've been feeling stuck, too. It's like this game I've been playing. You build a town and you have quests to complete in order to move on or move up, but sometimes trying to complete the quest proves to be more difficult than it looks. There's always a piece missing. Something important that you keep looking for, solving puzzles in the process but in the end you still can't find it. Sometimes you need to turn the game off first. When you get back to it, you suddenly realize that it's not so complicated after all. That's what I want to do right now. I want to take time off from my life and just take a break. A change of atmosphere would be great. I could either come back totally refreshed and ready to take on the world again, or I can find the key there and realize that I've already completed that level and it's time to start a new chapter elsewhere.

I don't really know what to do right now. I just don't like feeling stuck. In the past, it was so easy for me to just drop everything and start from scratch. Whenever I think about it, I kinda miss the old impulsive me. I was not afraid to make mistakes. If I did, I'd just start over. I guess I got to the point where I feel left behind. It's like my peers are already settling down and doing well in their chosen careers, whereas I did my last re-start 4 years ago and I'm still not where I wanna be. I've actually imagined an alternate future far from where I am now, but to get it, I'd have to either drop everything and just go for it, or wait years for the stability I need then give it a try. Will it be too late then? I dunno. I have so many questions that have no answers and I really think a long break could clear my mind. Can I afford this long break. If you ask me today, the answer is NO. I just have to settle for sleeping for now...

Clumsy Me

2010-01-15T22:09:00.003+08:00

Today, I tripped and fell on rocky ground. Literally. Typing this blog entry is actually torture, but using a pen is even worse. I used my hands to break my fall and I'm lucky I didn't sprain my wrist or break my arm. All I got were bruised palms (skinned my right palm, too) strained joints and muscles plus more bruises all over! Yes, I am in pain. It's not as bad as some of the injuries I've sustained in the past, but it still hurts. I can't even hold a glass properly with my right hand.

I don't remember much about what happened. All I know is that I was trying to avoid a guy who I was about to bump into. I moved out of the way and tripped on a rock. The weird thing was, I did not feel my foot hitting the rock. It felt like I was pushed forward. Of course there was no one there and the people in the area pointed to the rock that had supposedly caused my accident. I couldn't get up from the ground. I looked like I was trying to fly like Supergirl and fell flat on my belly. After 2 failed attempts to stand up, people suddenly rushed to my aid. I guess, at first they thought that it wasn't that bad. It really wasn't that bad, but it was really difficult to stand up. When they saw that I was okay, they started to back off (which was good coz they were making me feel more confused about what happened) and a woman asked me if I had any cuts. I looked at my hands and said "Wala naman po ata," (No, I don't think I have any) then I felt a little pinch on my right hand and saw that it was bleeding. She offered to take me to the nearest office building to clean the wound and get some first aid, but I told them that I can do it when I got to my office. The only thing on my mind at that time was "OMG! I'm gonna be late for work!" And sure enough, I was 9 minutes late. I was bummed, because after getting in trouble for tardiness during the last quarter of 2009, I swore that I would not let that happen again. My boss understood, but I still felt bad about it. Actually, I still do.

I wonder, if I had not avoided that guy. If I had just bumped into him. I guess all I had to do was apologize. Worst case scenario, he could get mad and tell me to look where I was going. (Assuming it was my fault - he was on the pathway and I was coming from the side so I don't think he saw me coming) I don't think it worth the pain and embarrassment

As I write this, I can move my fingers without any problems, but my palm is still pretty badly bruised. I'm not supposed to use my right hand, but I need it to type reports at work, so I just have to make sure that I minimize using it (which obviously I'm not doing at the moment). I just wanted to try turning a random incident into a life lesson. I'm trying to find the moral of the story... Wait a second... Okay... Let's see if this works...

"It's better to face your problems and deal with the repercussions of your actions rather than to avoid them, add more problems than you can handle and hurt yourself even more than you already have."

Does it make sense?

Trying to start the year right...

2009-12-28T21:29:00.004+08:00

I've neglected this blog again. I can't think of anything worth writing about. It seems that whenever I see or feel something worth writing about, I stare at the screen and realize I have nothing to say. I have so many ideas but I can't seem to be able to share them. I guess it's because I know that no one reads this anyway. No one really cares about what I have to say. I've been posting on my tumblr account a lot because it's so easy to just re-blog what others have posted. I post some original content from time to time, but it's usually a photo or a video from youtube that I like. It's still not the same as writing down my ideas and sharing them with whoever wants to read them. I have to admit that I'm stuck. Ironically, I think my job contributes to this slump I'm in.

I'm trying to start the year right. I'm gonna post at least one entry per day, no matter how mundane or uninteresting the topic might be, I'm just gonna write until I get my groove back. I may forget to write an entry from time to time, but then no one's gonna know because no one really reads this shit. Hahaha! I'll try not to cheat though... because I don't care if no one reads this. This blog is mine. I will do what I want with it.

The Song in my Head

2009-11-05T16:43:00.005+08:00

There are too many things racing through my mind right now. I'm feeling too many emotions. It's hard to organize my thoughts and write them down at the moment, so I'm going to post the lyrics to a song I've been singing in my head since yesterday. I've been playing it over and over on my iPod, too. I'm not feeling too well today, but this song is got me through the commute to work and I'm sure it will get me through the whole shift. I feel terrible, but I can't seem to wipe the smile off my face... Why?!?!?! Well, do I need a reason to smile? hahahaha!!!

DO I NEED A REASON
D'Sound

Today when I saw you
I knew it was just like the first time
When you met my eyes I came close
And I felt like the first time

To hold back my fear
and feel you so near
I’ve never been this far before
To hold back my fear
and feel you so near
I’m scared of falling in too deep this time

Do I need a reason to tell you why
I’m singing you this song?
Do I need a reason to show you that
I know where I belong?
Whenever I am weary I lean on
this feeling that I have
I am so much stronger now
Thankful, yes I am...

Today I’ll renounce them,
the doubts and the fears I’ve been nursing
I’ll fly like a moth to the flame
and I’ll feel like the first time


To hold back my fear
and let you come near
I’ve never been this far before
To hold back my fear
and let you come near

I’m afraid of losing and still I go...

My Alternate Future

2009-11-02T19:18:00.003+08:00

It's soooo easy to imagine what our lives would be like if we did this, or we didn't do that. What's difficult is actually taking the first step towards making this all happen. I am a coward when it comes to change. I am afraid of losing myself, and I try to resist change for as long as I can. Then I realize that I've already lost myself. And, since I did not embrace the changes, I find myself trapped in between what's comfortable and what's waiting for me. In times like these, I let others make the decisions for me. I listen to so many people that I forget to listen to my own voice, even if it's screaming at the top of its lungs to see what's behind door number 2. I never trusted myself to make any major decisions because I got so used to my family making my mind up for me. They want what's best for me and when I follow their advice, I understand what they mean. The only trouble is, I am never truly happy. I know I am old enough to decide for myself now, but I still end up basing my decisions on their opinions.

I already have an alternate future in mind. My patience is being tested everyday because I just want to drop everything and just go for it. I've done that before, and based on experience, it's not a wise thing to do. I am going to take that first step in the other direction and see where that path will take me. I know a lot of people won't understand how I can give up what I already have now. The only reason I can give you is that this is not what I want. This is not how I envisioned my life to be, and though I know that it's too late for some of my dreams, there are still things I want to do and goals I want to reach. I don't need approval this time. Just wish me luck and let me go on this adventure of a lifetime.

Pen & Paper Exercise # 1

2009-11-01T20:44:00.002+08:00

November 1, 2009
2:10am-2:20am

It's very quiet in my room right now. There is an eerie silence that is a far cry from last night's storm. It was very noisy and very scary. The windows were shaking, and though they were closed, they were making a lot of noise. I felt cold. I felt alone.

The lights went out at around half past 3 in the morning and that made it even more difficult to fall asleep. My body was tired and wanted to rest, but my mind was racing. I tried to stay awake, but I lost that fight. I eventually drifted off to sleep. The howling winds eventually made its way to my subconscious and I spent the night tossing and turning in my sleep. I dreamt that my room was slowly being torn apart by this wretched storm. I woke up before noon, and though I should feel refreshed after a long slumber, I felt extra tired. It was like I didn't sleep at all. It was already calm when I awoke. But the memory of the storm was still fresh in my mind.

The day is already over. No more rain. No more wind. But, I still feel scared and a little bit exhausted. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a different story. I am praying that the sun will finally shine so that I can stop feeling trapped. I want to stop worrying and start living again.

Pen & Paper

2009-11-01T20:20:00.004+08:00

I actually write better with a pen rather than on a keyboard. This is why last night, I set a timer for 10 minutes and started writing in my journal notebook. I had no idea what to write at first, but I just let my hands do the talking and just kept writing until a beeping sound told me that time was already up. I set the journal aside for an hour or so before I edited it. I decided against adding more to it or developing it further. This is just an exercise, after all.

I will be posting my 10-minute ramblings here from now on... Good luck trying to understand them! Hahahaha!

Home

2009-10-24T00:38:00.005+08:00

I recently had a chance to assess where I am in life and how I got there. I've been through a lot in my 29 years on this planet. I was able to notice some patterns, like I make the most mistakes when I go against my intuition and do what I want to do without considering the consequences or playing it safe when my instincts tell me to go for it. But, the most interesting pattern in my life is the fact that no matter what road I take, whether it's the right or wrong one, it leads me to just one place. And, that place is called HOME. Home is the place where I feel safest. It is where I know I am loved, respected and most of the time, forgiven (when I really need it most) Home is where my family and friends are. Home is where I can have a conversation with God and actually be able to hear and listen to what he is saying to me. Home is where I am at peace.

I celebrated my 29th birthday 2 days ago. I spent the day with my cousins and the evening with my immediate family. I did not make a big deal out of it and kept it really simple. I think this has been one of my best birthdays to date. I was overwhelmed by the number of wall posts I got on Facebook from family, friends, colleagues and even mere acquaintances. It felt nice to be remembered not because you threw a party, but just because they want to wish you a happy birthday. Now that I am a year away from turning 30, I have so many things I want to do. I will have to make more mature and responsible choices and be absolutely sure about what roads to take. Each year is another chance to live your life to the fullest. Every year you get another chance at happiness. I going to take this chance and run with it. Everything seems new to me now. It's like I'm going through life for the first time, but this time I am armed with more courage and wisdom. Though my future is still uncertain, I know that wherever Life takes me, I will still find my way to where my heart is, no matter where that may be. All roads will eventually take me home.

Tired...

2009-10-08T02:05:00.003+08:00

Last night, I stared at the monitor for an hour trying to gather my thoughts and write something. I couldn't. I just couldn't. It was so frustrating to have so many thoughts and ideas run through your head, yet nothing came out. I just sat there, staring at this very page that I'm looking at right now. The only difference was that the text box was empty.

I tried again earlier at work. I had a very long break so I felt the need to do something productive instead of just sitting there doing nothing. I still could not put my thoughts in order. After an hour and a half, I finally gave up and started browsing Facebook again while waiting for my next lesson to begin. I felt confused, distracted and exhausted. Yes, that's probably it. I'm exhausted. I feel tired and numb. It's like the days are just passing me by and I'm too tired to do anything about it. I've been feeling this way for quite some time now and I was able to get out of the slump I was in by going out with my friends. The fun was interrupted by typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana) and typhoon Pepeng (Parma). It was only then that I realized that what I've been doing was just a temporary remedy. These past 2 weeks, I saw myself going back to my old routine and I'm really not happy about it. I am turning into someone I don't recognize at all.

There are things that I look forward to everyday and these little things get me through the day. I'm hanging on to these little treasures with everything I've got. But, what if it doesn't last? What if the one thing that is making me smile right now isn't real? I've been trying not to think about it and I keep hoping for the best but deep inside, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to find out that this is all just a dream and one day, I'll be back to where I started. Alone. I know that my family and friends will always be there for me, but it would be selfish of me to rely on them for my happiness. They have their own lives to live, their own dreams to chase and their own families to take care of. I can take care of myself. It's draining and exhausting and not in the least bit as fulfilling as being able to care for someone, but I can do it. I have been doing it. I'm just tired.

I don't know why I felt the urge to write this all down. It could be a cry for help, it could just be PMS. Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter now. I just needed to let all the negative energy out. Now that I've got this out of my system, everything will be fine in the morning... I hope.

Daydreaming...

2009-10-05T20:56:00.002+08:00

I don't have much to do at work today. I actually have a long break after my dinner break, so here I am writing in this brand new blog. It took me a few minutes to begin typing anything because as usual, I was daydreaming again.

I call it the "movie in my mind" (yeah, I know it's the title of a song from the musical Miss Saigon) because it plays in my head like a film... I block everything out and I dream. My daydreams aren't always good ones. Sometimes when I have feelings that I can't express, I start daydreaming of what it would be like to confront that person or what would happen if I did something I wouldn't normally do. When for some reason I feel like crying, but I have no reason to, I turn to my daydreams so that I could release the tears that have been waiting to fall. This also applies to when I am happy. Just like today...

I woke up from a deep, dreamless sleep with a smile on my face. I knew it was going to be a good day! On the jeepney ride to work, I was listening to my ipod, but I wasn't really hearing the music. My mind wandered once again and I was where I wanted to be. I was in a place where everything I wanted my whole life was within reach. It's a good thing that I always sit in front beside the driver because the other passengers would probably think I was crazy. When I got off the jeepney, I realized I hadn't stopped smiling! My imagination was at it's best today. It all seemed so real. So possible. I really wish it would come true. The images playing in my head made me realize a few things about myself. About how I feel at this very moment. I wasn't so sure a few days ago, but now I know.

I'm smiling again. I don't know If I can stop smiling today. I would probably sleep with a silly grin on my face, but who cares?! I'm happy today.

Keeping Mum

2009-10-05T02:11:00.002+08:00

I'm a very talkative person. I can tell you about my whole life if given a chance. But for someone who likes to talk, I think I express myself better in writing. I can write page after page about what I really feel (directly or indirectly). That is not the case when I talk about my life. I talk about what's in my head rather than what's in my heart. I guess that's why I haven't been writing for so long. I'm afraid that my true feelings will spill out and when they do, I will become vulnerable. I guess that's my "Venus in Virgo" side talking. I realized that this fear of being rejected and being caught off-guard are just some of the reasons why I feel that I'm not getting anywhere in life. I avoid confrontations, I hate being put on the spot. When these things happen, you won't hear a single word from me. You'll just see tears in my eyes or a smile on my face. When I write, I can say anything I want to say (then edit it before showing it to anyone) and then I brace myself for what might happen next.

Do I have a lot of hidden emotions right now? YES. Will I write about them? Yes. Will people understand what's going through my head and my heart while reading these posts? It depends on how dense they are. I will write about my emotions, but I will not spell it out. If this post makes no sense, it's okay... you'll understand when you get to read my succeeding posts... until then... GOODNIGHT!

Blast From the Past...

2009-10-05T00:48:00.004+08:00

I thought of saving a few of my old posts and none were worth saving... not even the ones I liked. I am posting an old blog entry from my multiply account. It's still active though I don't log on as often as I used to, but I think this one is worth sharing. It's about how I felt at the end of one of the worst years of my life. There were good memories from that year, but there were also a lot of bad ones. Good or bad, these events taught me valuable lessons that I should never ever forget...

P.S. Most of it is written in my native tongue (Tagalog/Filipino)

It's almost New Year's Day...I can't wait... 2006 has been a roller coaster for me... My 2006 could've passed for an episode of Maalaala Mo Kaya after all that has happened... Though there is sooooo much to grumble about, I want to take this time to thank certain people... whether they caused me joy or pain, they deserve a big heartfelt THANK YOU... Pardon me if i sound sarcastic sometimes... but what I am saying is truly from the bottom of my heart...

Salamat...
Salamat sa PAMILYA ko na pilit akong iniintindi at tunay na nagmamahal sa akin
Salamat sa munting anghel na si Aidan... gumagaan ang buhay tuwing nakikita kita... kahit na may sumpong ka pa...
Salamat sa taong sinira ang mga pangarap ko... dahil sa'yo nakabuo ako ng mga mas maganda at makulay na pangarap...
Salamat sa mga taong malalapit sa puso ko na nagbigay sa akin ng pag-asa sa mga panahong akala ko ay wala akong halaga sa mundo...
Salamat sa mga kaibigan ko na nagbigay sa akin ng saya sa panahon ng kalungkutan... hindi ko kayo makakalimutan...
Salamat sa mga kaibigan ko na naglahong parang bula pagkatapos ng lahat ng pinagsamahan namin at sa mga panahon na nawalan ako ng silbi sa mga buhay niyo... ngayon alam ko na kung sino ang mga tunay na kaibigan... sayang, hindi pala kayo yun... 
Salamat sa mga taong akala ko ay magiging tunay na kaibigan, ngunit bigla ka na lamang tatalikuran ng walang dahilan... handa akong maging kaibigan sa inyo at nandito lang ako kung kailangan ninyo ako... pero halata naman na masaya na kayo sa mga buhay ninyo...
Salamat sa mga bago kong kaibigan na lagi kong napapangiti tuwing kami ay nagkakasama... 
Salamat sa mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho... sa lahat ng napasukan ko... marami akong natutunan sa mga pinagdaanan natin...
Salamat sa mga taong tunay nagbigay ng pag-asa at salamat na rin sa mga taong nag "pa-asa"... natuto akong maniwala at magtiwala... natuto rin akong mag-ingat sa pagkakatiwalaan...
Salamat sa mga bumigo sa aking puso... ngayon ay mas matatag at mas malakas na ako...
SALAMAT 2006... 
I am now a better person...
Thank you... thank you... THANK YOU...

A New Beginning

2009-10-05T00:32:00.002+08:00

I deleted all my other blogs... I felt they no longer represented who I am. Yes, the emotion filled posts will still remain a part of me, but they are a part of my past. A not so distant past I will not soon forget, but would rather keep for myself. Another reason for deleting those blogs was that there were too many of them. I could not keep up and I got so burned out to the point that I felt that I couldn't write anything anymore.

I'm going to try again. I'm sure that only a few close friends would read this anyway... Wish me luck!